Suspension in the rope community is kind of like politics – you can talk about it for hours, with wildly disparate opinions from equally competent individuals, and everything from welding techniques to tables calculating the potential force of impact for falling bodies from various heights fill the mailing lists of rope enthusiasts.
What, you think we talk about the hot chicks gettin’ tied up and hung in the air? No, we’re too busy whining about the carabiner that pinched our fingers, or the fact that such-and-so put his shears in his right pocket, not his left, so wait, is he a switch now?
(and while that’s not an exaggeration, at least we don’t have to have a subgroup called “People for the Ethical Treatment of Pronouns.” And you know who you are).
That being said, my friend Matisse recently published a very fun interview with my other friend Lochai (both of whom I hate because they get to hang out a lot with people I see all too infrequently, beginning with themselves). It was presented as a description of someone who pretty much has a one-of-a-kind job, a dream occupation where he gets paid to tie up and sexually amuse some of the most beautiful women in the world. At the time I thought it might be fun to write an article about the other side of the coin, about what it’s like being one of the many everyday riggers who go out to clubs and tie up the rest of the beautiful people in the world for some variety of amusement or other.
I still think that would be an interesting article. But this is not it.
No, this article is for the other half of the equation: the suspendee.
You see, one of the things that your everyday average rigger does, on occasion, is goes to clubs that have some sort of “fetish nights” and puts up people in their first suspension. Or their 732nd, but the point is it’s just the fun of flying, of getting to play in the ropes. It’s like going and playing on the swing, for grownups.
Now, from a rigger’s perspective, it’s pretty intense. It’s a constant evaluation of many factors, starting with environment (often dark, often smoky, often crowded, often loud). There’s the person who wants to be suspended, often a stranger, and you have to evaluate their physicality and state of mind (or inebriation) and come up with the best way to tie the ropes (and, for that matter, which ropes to use? Which hardware?). I suspect that part of the enjoyment that the suspendee gets out of the process is not just the fun of flying, but also the focused attention of the rigger, who, if she/he is any good, is almost total.
I don’t want to give the impression that it’s like a checklist. No, if you’re rigging in clubs, usually you’ve reached a point where it’s more like rock climbing – you do these checks constantly, unconsciously, moving by feel rather than step by step. You learn to feel how a knot is, rather than seeing, and focus on the tension of the person and the frame and the environment all in a sort of fugue state.
It’s awesome.
But it’s also pretty draining, when all is said and done. And that’s why I’m writing this. The image above is of a friend who was in her first suspension, and it was great. She communicated throughout it how she felt, she had fun twisting and writhing (as you can see) and at the end she gave me a big hug and pronounced “I’m HUNGRY!” with a big smile, which I took as a great compliment.
Then there was C. and that’s what this post is about. Without further adieu or Princess-Bridesque introductions, here is Graydancer’s Guide to What Not to Do in Suspension:
- Don’t hang back, looking like you really want to talk but not actually having the courage to do so. This breaks the primary need of good rope bondage, communication.
- When you do come up, don’t start the conversation by saying “What’s the story with this, anyway? Why would anyone want to get tied up?” This breaks the secondary need of good rope bondage, courtesy. (Also known as respect, but I’m feeling alliterative alot as it ‘appens).
- When you ask for a comfortable suspension, as opposed to a painful one, do not act as if the rigger’s suggestion that the underwire bra might be uncomfortable is the same as suggesting you let him double-fist you.
- When the ropes begin to push the aforementioned underwire bra into shapes that reveal more of your breasts, do not act as if this was a plot of the rigger to try and expose more skin. I guarantee you, either he’s seen more, or she’s got more.
- When the rigger is focusing on tying the ropes as comfortably on your body as possible, do not spend the time waving at, making gestures at, and shouting to your flabbergasted friends across the bar.
- When you go up into suspension, it is fine to request that your feet and hands remain free. It’s even fine to twist around in the ropes and play – that’s what it’s for, after all. The rigger will be watching and sometimes touching the ropes or checking your hands (if tied) for tension and circulation. Your friends are not part of that testing process, however.
- It is NOT fine, however, to comment sarcastically that the suspension would be “easy to escape from.” It will give the top a heart attack at the thought of an eel trying to escape a full suspension (gravity will help you at the most inopportune moment).
- To then smirk sarcastically and remove the comfortably loose thigh ropes from over your (at your request) untied feet with your (at your request) untied hands and say “Well, THAT wasn’t very hard to get out of!” as you stand up is likely to make the rigger’s hands twitch. There’s a couple of Japanese words going through his/her head at that moment, and if you are into comfortable, escapable suspension, you don’t want to learn them.
- To then shrug out of the chest and waist bands, leaving them in a traditional WhatTheFuck knot hanging from the carabiner is perhaps less than considerate of the rigger trying to get ready for the next suspendee.
- To put on your skirt and top and then walk off to join your jeering friends – no thank-you, goodbye, or offer of a shot of Lagavulin neat and some Godiva extra dark - breaks, again, the primary and secondary requirements of good rope bondage.
See, there’s this thing in kink called “aftercare.” Everybody has different needs for it. Her needs, apparently, involved talking with her friends about it, laughing, drinking more. That’s cool. But tops need aftercare, as well, and while that may be as simple as a polite “thank you, I’m HUNGRY!” it’s usually something. it’s polite, as in any human interaction, to at least ask.
Because I’m here to tell ya, even if the woman had the most amazingly smooth thighs I’ve ever seen (and yes, she did, in fact, I’ve tied a lot of people, and her thighs were quite literally breathtaking) at the end, if that’s how the suspension went…the rigger feels like shit. He/she is likely to get grumpy as they take down their frame and walk out into the night. And you are not likely to get suspended by that rigger again.
On the other hand, K, the model in the picture above? Treat the rigger like she did, and they are likely to text you and ask how you are the next day, and even share some really nice pics of the suspension with you and the entire audience of the Best Sex Bloggers.
However, the Lagavulin and Godiva special dark will suffice, as well.
I’m still so full of a myriad of emotions that were felt this evening of Friday the 19th of December, 2008 at The Center for Sex and Culture. I’ve sat down to write about the entire process of how it all came to fruition!! It has been a magical mystical miraculous event for me and I am bringing these images of the evening for you to take a look at.
