Waking up from an arousing dream where I am a frustrated office worker daydreaming in my cubicle. Drowsy and still clinging onto half remembered sensations, I nuzzle into him, pressing my lower body against him, sleepily kissing on his neck and shoulder.

Still not quite awake, I whisper snippets of what I can remember into his ear, feeling him grow still against me as he enters waking consciousness and sleep turns to arousal.

He starts with my nipples, pulling and tugging the hard bud, first with his fingers. Pulling hard enough to hurt, the pain inflames my lust and instead of crying out, I start to make sounds not unlike purring. His mouth follows his fingers, then his mouth on my right breast while his fingers pluck at my other nipple pulling it into a hard peak.

I writhe beneath him, pressing my hips against his body, pleading through my actions, and though he takes his time with me, it is not long before my panties are drawn off and my legs spread for him. I’m syrupy wet and fragrant - there’s no need for foreplay and confronted with evidence of my obvious arousal, his fingers slide deep inside me, pressing that swollen spot inside, rubbing and pressing until the first of many orgasms overtakes me and I keen softly into his chest. He is not satisfied, and another follows, then another, until I am bucking beneath him while he tugs on my engorged clit, all the while rubbing that magical spot.

He pulls me over his lap, his hard cock pressing into the soft flesh of my belly, pushes my head down so my ass is up in the air. The spanking should hurt, but instead of crying out, I moan with each blow. He works the sweet spot right above where my thighs meet, and I press into his hand, meeting his hand, needing what he offers.

He pulls me back, pushing my head down towards his feet so that I’m splayed open over his legs, everything revealed. He prepares my tight hole, the lube cool against the heated skin, then the metal plug pushes in smoothly and I moan as I accept it with me. But he’s not done. Pulling my lips wide, he slips in the Smartballs, sealing them deep inside me. Filled in both orifices, I moan into the bed, the sensations making it hard to think.

He pulls me to my feet, and I get dressed. Shaking my head hard, trying to clear the lust fog and concentrate at the task at hand. Mundane daily tasks, walking the dogs, things that must be done, but with the heavy plug inside me, the motion of my hips making me aware of it with every step and the little vibrating balls working their magic until I can feel my slickness dripping down between my lips. He laughs, spanking my ass through the jeans, feeling the base of the plug and pushing on it. I lean against him, my hot forehead against his cool coat, and moan into his neck, pleading to go back to the house, not knowing how much more I can take. I am already so inflamed…

We go back, and as soon as we’re inside, the door locked behind me, I’m pulling my clothes off and throwing them haphazardly on the floor until I’m naked. He’s already on the bed, sitting up against the pillows at the headboard, cock semihard, watching me with smouldering eyes. Then my mouth is on him while he plays with my ass, pressing the plug in deeper to watch my hips buck. He pulls me off briefly, to pull on the silicone cockring, then I’m devouring him, tasting him greedily, trying to take every last inch into my mouth while he hardens until the veins and ridges stand out like cut glass, and I cannot wait to have him inside me.

On my knees before him, he hovers over me momentarily, trying to decide between my ass and my cunt. I remind him of the weekend’s upcoming festivities, and he pulls the Smartballs out of me, tossing them aside before burying his shaft inside me, fully, to the hilt, and I cannot stay still beneath him, hips grinding, ass moving, back arching, all to preserve the fullness, the feelings building.

He fucks me hard, at one point, his fist in my hair pulling my head back to accentuate the arch of my back, then he’s coming inside me, so scalding hot and deep. I’m so close, still riding that perpetual edge, not wanting to lose the intensity that comes right before orgasm. We lay together, my hips against his side, unable to keep still, they still bounce and writhe.

I beg, I plead. It’s no longer a question of what I want. It’s desperation, something I need, now. He pulls out the new Curve, slides it inside me, and the first stroke presses just right and already I’m coming, hips bucking as the pleasure overtakes me then it’s too much and I’m almost crying because I can’t stand it. I slow his hand, and slide my hand behind me to pop the plug out. It’s too much, I tell him, too much, and he gives me a look that tells me that there will be a next time with both, but then he’s moving the Curve in and out of me, smoothly, gliding, and it’s like there’s screaming inside my head as my pussy gushes, contracting, clenching, over and over, and I can’t stop begging for just one more, then just one more, then just one more until I’m exhausted, spent, deliciously bruised and exhausted, laying in a puddle of my own juices and I cannot take anything more because I am finally satisfied.

Something I’ve been thinking of a lot lately has been the differences between “types” of sex and sexual intimacy and encounters. It’s something that both The Leather Daddy and the Femme and PoMoSexuals made me think about a lot, because they both talked about male-female sexual interaction in a non-straight or non-hetero way. They recognized that males and females can interact sexually with each other in a queer way.

One of the main purposes of queer theory is actually to highlight and embrace the fact that no sex is normal/vanilla/straight, or, really, the opposite is emphasized: that all sex is queer. Very little aside from heterosexual missionary for-procreation-only sex is considered acceptable by our fucked up society, while the majority of people have sex that could not be categorized within that extremely narrow social definition.

Granted, ideas of acceptable sexuality have been evolving lately, but I wouldn’t say other types of sex have become any more acceptable, they’re just recognized as “what everyone does” which isn’t exactly an endorsement, though I’ll admit that my vision on this may be skewed by the last two years living in Utah. However, I really don’t think it’s just Utah talking.

So what’s the big difference between queer sex and straight sex? Aside from the usual definition of the sex of the partners (but that also brings into question is it the sex or the gender that matters?) it’s subtle, and may have a lot to do with intention. Can queer hetero sex include missionary sex? I say of course! The wonderful thing about the orbit(/label) queer is that it is very open to interpretation.

Most often the participants of queer sex are queer people, but that brings into the question of what makes someone a queer person. I’d argue that anyone outside of the norm of society is queer in some way, although not everyone would see it that same way. Queer is an important label for same-sex/gender-loving people to embrace, definitely, but I also think queer moves beyond that label as well.

If we define queer as what it’s not, meaning not normal, just about everyone would be able to be labeled queer. I’m not sure if I’ve ever met a normal person in my life, society perpetuates this idea of normalcy, but that doesn’t mean it exists anywhere, and usually those who think they are normal would not be considered normal by others, so where does that leave us?

Personally I dislike the term ‘normal’ for a variety of reasons, including the fact I have a degree in Psychology, but also because I have never believed that normal exists. People are just too damn individualistic for anyone to fit into a stereotypically cookie cutter image of what we are told we should be. Granted, this is a very western concept.

Back to queer sex vs. straight sex: personally I believe there is a different feeling to queer sex than there is to straight sex (though I try not to have straight sex at all, but every once in a while my sex slips into the realm of less-queer). Queer sex just feels a little, well, queer. It feels subversive and non-normal, even if it is normal to us and our bodies and desires. That’s not to say that there is anything wrong with non-normal, quite the contrary, I think it’s necessary.

Queer sex, to me, can happen between people of any sex or gender. The times I feel my sex is slipping into less-queer territory are those instances when Onyx and I have had quickie sex in nearly missionary position (I say nearly because my legs are up and not flat) with little foreplay and sometimes little attention paid to me. This has only happened infrequently, and usually when we’re both tired but wanting sex. I consider it far from the queerer sex we have which includes toys, various positions, or me fucking him rather than him fucking me.

That’s not to say that just anyone who doesn’t have missionary sex is having queer sex, although that is one possible definition. As I mentioned above I believe there has to be some sort of queer intent, though that is a very broad topic and definition. Also, I think queer sex must also occur between queer people, though that definition is also very broad and open to interpretation.

Now to throw kinky sex into the mix. Kinky sex can be defined in a similar way to queer sex in that it can be defined by what it isn’t, and what it isn’t is vanilla, or normal, but see my dialogue about normalcy? Is there really any such thing? What do we consider to be not kinky?

Perhaps I should define kinky in a way other than exclusion, though I’m not sure how to do that because it is also subtle and it depends entirely on perspective and personal definition. I posit that just as most people could be deemed queer due to having anything other than narrowly-defined non-queer sex that most people could be deemed kinky for having anything other than narrowly-defined non-kinky sex.

That, or we just need to get rid of these labels all together, but that brings me to another theory on labels: that we must define them then broaden them in order to be able to abolish them, so perhaps that’s what I’m working on doing right now!

And what about the quote in the image above? Is anything you do really only kinky the first time, because after you do it that desensitizes you to it, making you think less of the kink factor of it and more of the enjoyment of it? That makes sense in some ways, and it’s been my experience that people tend to measure others against their own experiences rather than the so-called “normal” experience expectation.

However, what constitutes kinky sex? For some it would be using toys and props such as dildos, vibrators, restraints, or blindfolds; for others it would be engaging in “extreme” activities such as S&m, D/s, watersports, or enemas; for others threesomes, foursomes, and moresomes are kinky. Just like queer sex, there is a wide range of what could be considered kinky sex, and it all depends on the person putting that label on it. I do believe that kinky sex has an intention behind it, just like queer sex does, but it is also just as difficult to pin down.

What I’m trying to say is that there are definitely differences between these three “types” of sexual interaction, and none of them are better or worse than others as long as you are interacting the way you enjoy and desire to interact. I’m not saying that straight sex is bad, though I do wonder how many people actually have it. I am saying that more people have queer sex than most people may think, but I’m also saying that labels and definitions such as queer and kinky are difficult to pin-down, and perhaps shouldn’t be pinned down.

Man, the last week has been rather busy professionally as well as personally.

First off I worked with the “Starlet of the Year” Bobbi Star last week on Hogtied. WOW. One of the most beautiful, sexy intelligent woman around. You DO NOT want to miss my update with her when I post it. This was the first time she was on Hogtied in over a year & she looks better than ever….

Then my GF came in from NY to spend the weekend with J & I. I love when she surprises me like that. It’s been a few months since since I have seen her and would have been a few more till I got over to NY. I have to tell you, giving a tour of my “office” really gets the juices flowing with beautiful woman….. ;-)

Then I thought I was going to have a slow week without any shoots & I get a call late Sunday asking if I could shoot with Darling for Hogtied. Now Darling is one of those woman “without an off switch” as she puts it. Once she starts to orgasm, it never ends till the vibrator dies or your arm gets tired holding it. That’s why I use a mike stand. Well since she needed to get her fix of hogtied orgasms, it has been over a year since her last visit, we made up for it by me making her cum for over 20 mins in just about every scene. This woman can come! She get to a point where everything out of her mouth is babbling and sputter…. :-)

Then, if the past few days wasn’t good enough, I get a message on my way in yesterday asking if I could do a pic up shoot for Device Bondage with Satine Phoenix. There is NO WAY I would say no to this offer/request. I have to admit, I would never leave Hogtied but…. Cyd is in bondage heaven with his setup for Device Bondage. This room has EVERY metal bondage device ever made & then some and if it isn’t there, it can be made on the spot! I put this raven hair beauty into a ladder from hell, a human shaped cage in which I suspend her, & then a full body mummification which I bolted to the floor with chains! Watching a woman orgasm uncontrollably and not being able to move AT ALL is a real rush…. You will want to turn the volume up on all three of these updates…..

Well, gotta get ready for work today!

Tags: bobbi star, darling, device bondage, hogtied, Lochai, satine pheonix

Star Trek Rules.

(The ORIGINAL series, dammit. Screw the subsequent bullshit.)

Yeah, I know. I know. Bring it. I am shame free.

I loves me some James T.

I also love the many, many episodes of ST:TOS with subtle undertones of kinky play.

Some are not at all subtle.

Is it possible that this moment of Star Trek History turned my wide-eyed Afroed-head in a direction from which I have not turned in lo these many decades?

Possibly.

But I never thought there was anything wrong with men being very, very forceful in their pursuit of women.

I became accustomed to those images, longed for those moments, tasted that unapologetic brutishness and to this day, hope for that level of ravishment.

Because the shit is hot.

Rarely will what is politically correct make me want to slip a hand into myself.

Khan, on the other hand, sho ’nuff does.

Tags: khan, ravishment, rough sex, seduction, star trek, Video

Madison Young isn’t just beautiful, she’s a fucking genius. She makes great movies. Perversions of Lesbian Lust is produced by Madison’s company, Madison Bound, and Madison also wrote and directed the film. Oh while I’m singing the praises of Madison Young, let me mention her award winning and nationally recognized art gallery and performance space, Femina Potens. Go there and check out the BustED exhibit. Alright, I admit it, I have a huge girl crush on Madison - a super hot redhead who is smart and artistic. Thank you, Madison, for sending Perversion of Lesbian Lust to me. I loved it! I always look forward to watching your movies under the guise of “work“.

Madison begins by telling the story of her hot, but vanilla, sex with her girlfriend, Lorelei Lee. Indeed, it’s hot to watch them together - as I watched them kissing passionately I felt that little change in my mood. I love lesbian sex that’s real - there is a way that women who really love fucking other women do it that is just a notch more authentic than the average porn. They have great sex, but Madison wants just a little more, a hand on her throat or a spank on her bottom. Lorelei just wants to play nice, make love, and can’t understand Madison’s desire for more.

She dips her toes into the water with an online Mistress, who tests her limits via video. Madison records herself as she binds her own breasts and prepares to impress her Mistress with self-bondage, attaching clothespins to her labia, dripping hot wax all over her own body, self-caning (including bastinado), and finally auto asphyxiation breath play with bag suffocation as she gets off with her Hitachi and dildo.

I love a happy ending, so it’s especially nice that in the end, she has found the perfect balance of love and humiliation as she and Dylan Ryan play domination and submission games on Sundays. I think it’s in this scene that Madison looks the sexiest to me - that casual Sunday in panties and a t-shirt with glasses hot girl look - Madison has it!

She is caged and clamped, punished, humiliated, caned, forced to crawl dragging her chain behind her, used and forced to come, spit on, and tortured with water as her face is used to clean the floor. Much like Undone, she is alone in the end - left soaking wet, humiliated, and used up. It just leaves her wanting more, it’s the kink she was lacking in her life.

If you like porn done well, with beautiful women who enjoy fucking other women, if you enjoy any aspect of Lesbian BDSM or if you’re just curious about real LezDom, you will love this movie. It’s not your typical boom-chicka-wow-wow pr0n. It’s the good stuff.

Tags: auto asphyxiation, Breast Bondage, breath play, caning, confinement, domination, dylan ryan, femina potens, Hot Wax Torture, humiliation, lesbian bdsm, Lesbian Porn, lezdom, Lorelei Lee, madison young, plastic bag suffocation, punishment, self-bondage, submission, tit bondage, water torture

Public sex with wildly masturbating bystanders?

Yes, please.

Thank you very much.

I do love my adopted home, San Francisco. However, It is strange that, even in this purportedly hedonistic enclave of freaks, there is a serious shortfall of places to go and get your freak on.

What do you do when your roommate is just not prepared for blood-curdling labia-curling scrotum-shrinking howls from your room as your favorite fucktoy barks out “PLEASE MAY I HAVE ANOTHER!!” at 3:47 AM?

Some nights, you get your ass over to dark-dank-dingy-delightful Power Exchange.

But those nights might be drawing to a close.

Though it is one of San Francisco’s last public pansexual Sex Club and BDSM playspaces, The Power Exchange is at risk.

And this time, it isn’t a Puritanical buzz killing sour-lipped SF City Supervisor cracking down on sex.

It is plain old economics. The owner of the building is selling, and the future of the place is uncertain.

On those nights where the filthynastypiglut in you wants to be ogled and leered at and objectified by complete strangers who seem to often take a Mystery Science Theater 3000 approach to watching sex acts, there’s no place like the Power Exchange. This is an excerpt of one of my favorite scene memories from PE.

Strolling through the main play area, surrounded by the fencing, we checked out all of the side rooms, peeked in on the wankers in the TV room, and wound up in the ‘bullpen’ area. After securing a chain across the break in the fence, Sir turned to me, flipped me around and up against the cross. I was giggling a bit, as I thought this would be light and easy. We had no toys or the usual accouterments of BDSM along for the ride: how far could it go?

Pressed against the cross, my forehead against the cool wood, I felt his fingers fasten on to my breasts, the nipple trapped again between his fingers. And he began pinching. Several seconds went by as I realized the pressure he was applying was indeed becoming extremely painful…my head was swimming and tears blurred my eyes. I wriggled, trying to escape. That bought be several hard slaps to my ass and another shove against the cross. More wriggling, more shoving. Those hands, capable of inflicting a bruising pinch strayed not far from my breasts for some time. Turning me around, he pulled my breasts away from my chest, stretching them painfully. I panted, trying to breather more deeply. He smiled. How is it that a smile can warm and chill me simultaneously?

Pulling me towards him by the tips of my breasts, he leaned down to kiss me, breath smoky and sweet from the Havana cigar and port he’d consumed after dinner. I was pushed roughly against the cross again, as he pondered what to do with me….slapping the insides of my thighs was the next place he went. Loud resounding slaps were followed by my yowls and moans. The flesh was immediately sensitized, and it was all I could do to stand and take the next slap.

Soon, it was too much and my legs reflexively closed.

“Spread your legs.”

I shook my head and squeezed them even more tightly together. Grabbing a handful of the hair on my labia, he pulled and twisted till I screamed.

“Spread your legs.” He repeated, and I did so with alacrity.

Warmed up yet?

Check out the complete spread at “The Power Exchange: A Memory” on The Perverted Negress

xoxo

~Mo

Tags: BDSM, BDSM play, Kink, masochism, Mollena, power exchange, sadism, scenes, sex clubs, The Perverted Negress

She waited for him in the abandoned hotel, leaning against the front desk. Her blouse fell open to reveal ample cleavage and her pencil skirt hugged her thick hips. She’d torn her fishnet stockings on the way in, stepping over the pieces of wood that had been placed across the door to keep trespassers out. She wasn’t worried about them. She had four more pair in her lingerie drawer at home.

Light filtered in through the cracks in the walls. It smelled of rain and aged wood. As she closed her eyes she inhaled the scent of something faintly floral. Once there was a rumor about the place being used as a brothel and the floral scent almost made her believe it.

Before she saw him she heard his tires on the cracked pavement out front. Any second he would appear before her and relieve her of her clothing burden. Oh she liked the clothes well enough, but what she loved was being naked before him.

As if he knew her thoughts he maneuvered over the wood that had torn her stockings and filled the space in front of her. She licked her lips and moved her eyes to his. An almost imperceptible nod and she began to undress.

She unbuttoned the first button on her blouse, then another. As she worked her way down to button number three she saw his movement out of the corner of her eye. Seconds later her blouse was ripped from her hands, buttons flying and the material hanging in tatters.

A gasp escaped her lips as he continued on. His strong hands unbuttoned her skirt then ripped it to the hem. It landed in a small pile on the floor and she stepped out of it.

The knife appeared out of nowhere and though she knew enough to not be afraid, her heart skipped a beat and her pulse raced. She felt the cold steel of the blade just beneath the swell of her breasts. He traced his way to the center of her bra and worked the tip of the blade beneath the cloth. A quick movement and her breasts were untethered, hanging, barely covered by the cups.

“Get on the counter and don’t say a word. Not one.”

His voice hypnotized her. That was what commanded her. Not the words but the tone of his deep, nearly baritone voice.

She allowed him to help her onto the counter that was covered in dust and cobwebs. Her hair cascaded behind her as her head hung freely off the other side. Her hands pulled the remnants of the bra away from her breasts then moved to pinch her nipples.

He spread her legs then lifted her feet to rest her heels on the edge of the counter. Beneath her bottom a small wet spot had started to form. His mouth met her open pussy as the blade sliced first one thigh then the other. She cried out and the sticky warmth flowed from her center and from the cuts. The blood and secretions mingled in a puddle as he licked her cunt one last time.

“Whatever you do, don’t move.” His voice insisted that she listen so she did. She barely breathed and she swore that the sound of her heartbeat filled the room.

She heard the rustle of his clothing and focused on it. The sound of his coat falling. His tie being undone. His clothes piled neatly to avoid wrinkles. His lug soled shoes landing on the floor. The sounds comforted her and reminded her that she had not yet been left alone.

His hands clamped down on her thighs and she screamed. She felt her back slide across the bar, the edge leaving scrape marks that burned when she was dragged through the puddle of blood and secretions. She screamed again just before his mouth captured hers and his cock impaled her.

Over and over he filled her. Come and blood mingled on their thighs and genitals. Cobwebs clung to her tangled mane. Their breathing slowed and he lowered her to the blanket he had spread on the floor.

With a gentle kiss on her lips he disappeared. The foyer of the old hotel was silent. Once again she had been abandoned.

*This is a work of fiction reposted from The Butterfly Temptress

Tags: BDSM, Cunnilingus, Dom, Fantasy, Kink, Oral sex, Sex, Sex Blog, Sex Bloggers, Sexual Fantasies, Smut, Submissive, The Butterfly Temptress

Those who hang out at the BDSM lifestyle community FetLife - especially those who frequent any of the (segregated) poly and mono communities - might know that there was some cross-conversation happening there recently between those camps. While asking questions of each other and getting answers from the horse’s mouth can be a great thing, the tone was pretty adversarial most of the time. Nevertheless, some of us who value and live in the space that connects poly and mono found unexpected allies and comrades popping up.

So, time for a new space to hang out! If you’re on Fetlife and the description below interests you, get in on the ground floor of this exciting endeavor. Education, theory, discussion, we’ll have it all. :-) If you have any questions or curiosities, email me at blessedharlot@bestsexbloggers.com.

MonoPoly - The New Game!
Do you frequent the space between mono and poly? Are you poly with mono partners or mono with a poly partner? Do you identify as somewhere in the middle? Interested in learning and exploring this uncharted territory? This is a space for those who desire to strengthen the bonds between people of various relational or commitment orientations and make connections across that spectrum.

Tags: BDSM, Discussion, Education and Information, Elizabeth, FetLife, Gabe, Kink, Mono/Poly, Monoromantic, Polyamory, Pornocracy

Catalina’s Favorite Sex Blog Posts Of The Week! Thanks to Altered Aperture who makes me all pretty and then captures it on camera time and time again.

CatalinaLoves.com:

• Catalina loves Random Things
• Catalina loves The Liberator Throe
  

CatalinaSays.com:

• Busy as a Beaver
• Where Do Pro Dommes Advertise? Want To Go To Oral Sex Night? Beware of Eden!

BestSexBloggers.com:

• Time For Our CommUNITY To Work Together For the Butterfly Temptress
• Impostor

Backdoor Bondage Blog:

• Backdoor Bondage’s Clip Store Has Claire Adams and Petal Benson Hanging Upside Down In a Cage In The Woods For Sex (it’s awesome!!)
• Madison Young is a Rigger’s Dream

Into The Attic Blog:

• Yep, That’s a Real Deer Leg

Thursday’s Child:

• Intoxication

Dungeon Place:

• Hotel Rooms, Ex Wives, and Submission (A three-part series)

Mz Berlin’s Blog:

• I’m back from Kink.com where I shot with Princess Donna for Wired Pussy

Ms. Nikki Nefarious:

• Rigging for Athena Fatale and Jinx1313

Shared Cindy:

• Judy’s Story - Part 1

The Urban Gypsy:

• Cleavage of the Day: NYC Free Foods, Mint Oreos, and Advil

Sweltering Celt:

• HNT - Boobiestar Edition

Leather Yenta:

• New York Leather Weekend - Sunday

Debauched Domestic Diva:

• HNT - Calendar Preview

Curvaceous Dee:

• Made Of Awesome - HNT

The Butterfly Temptress:

• Life.Love.Cancer - CommUNITY

::psst… for more hot sex blog links go to Sugasm.com::

Tags: Altered Aperture, athena fatale, BackDoor Bondage Blog, Best Sex Bloggers, blog series, Bondage Rigging, Butterfly Temptress, cancer fundraiser, Catalina Loves, Catalina Says, Claire Adams, cleavage, cleavage pics, CommUNITY, Curvaceous Dee, debauched domestic diva, dominatrix advertising, dungeon place, EdenFantasys, favorite sex blog, HNT, hnt boob, hnt calendar, i am made of awesomeness, into the attic blog, intoxication, jinx1313, kink dot com, kinky blog, Leather Yenta, Liberator, life love cancer community, Link Roundup, madison young, Ms. Nikki Nefarious, Mz Berlin, new york leather weekend, Oral Sex Night, princess donna, Pro-Domme, Professional Dominatrix, rigging, Sex Blog, Shared Cindy, The Week In Kink, thursday’s child, Unusual gags, Urban Gypsy, wired pussy

I have been spending time on Fetlife. We all know the coolness that is Fetlife by now. Kinky people from all different walks of life, communing in one place on the Internet. It’s a very cool thing, right down to Jay Wiseman joining and starting a discussion group.

The problem then?

I feel like an imposter. I know I mentioned it on Twitter and plenty of people assuaged my feeling then by pointing out that all sorts of people are on there. Still, I feel like a fake.

It’s not just there, mind you. It’s on my own blog too. What started out as erotic posts about kinky sex have morphed into posts about things like cancer and song lyrics that fit my mood at the moment. Seriously, I don’t remember the last time I blogged about sex much less freaky sex!

Maybe it’s time to hang up my sex blogger hat. I never started with one in mind anyway. It was just sort of given to me. Perhaps instead of sexy, stimulating, kinky, and hot people in my sidebar I need to link to Obama and CNN. Instead of wishing for something that leads to being featured on Fleshbot or in the Sugasm top three what if I need to just accept the signs of the times and leave well enough alone.

The thing is, I like my blog. I like that I have grown and come into my own in so many ways. I like the fact that people read and respond, that they come back time and time again. The people I have come to know are fabulous and they never cease to amaze me. Right now I’m not ready to let it go, give it up, or call it quits.

Even if I am an imposter.

Tags: Catalina Says, Ellie Lumpesse, FetLife, Fleshbot, It Really Happened, Kink, Life, Lochai, Love, Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Sex Blog, Sex Bloggers, The Butterfly Temptress, Thursday's Child

This is cross posted both from my sex blog, Heart Full of Black, but also from my other blog, A Little Bit Less, where I’m writing about my journey having LAP band weight loss surgery. However, this particular post fits within the sex and kink realms, as well as the fatpos realm. I thought it might be appropriate to share here as well. ^_^

So, I had my consult with the surgeon. Everyone is right - he’s brilliant, but he’s got a shitty bedside manor.

Now, in the interest of being honest with my doctors, I tend to reveal all information that may be pertinent. Namely, that I occasionally smoke pot, and that I engage in BDSM.

Apparently, with this doctor, those were shooting up all sorts of red flag. First, he asked about why I like the BDSM, once I explained (in broad terms) what it was.  When it came up that I wasn’t sexually active until relatively late in my life, he kept asking if I was making up for lost time.

As if. While I would have liked to lose my virginity earlier than I did, I made a well thought out decision to wait. I figured I wanted to know what I was doing first. You know, being all responsible and smart and stuff.

Then, he questioned my motivations for weight loss surgery. He seemed to think that I might be interested in it in order to continue with BDSM ‘better’.

For fucks sake. First of all, I think I’m pretty hot, ok? And plenty of other people do as well. Shit, its documented! I have no problem getting dates, getting laid, or having nice boys buy me drinks when I’m out and dressed up. I carry my weight pretty well. Most of the people I told were surprised to realize I was well over 200lbs. Well over. I have curves, an awesome ass, and a decent set of tits. I have a pretty face and nice hair.

And most importantly, I think I’m a pretty cool person. I’m throwing modesty to the wind and saying goddamn it, I’m pretty awesome. I have a ton of cool friends, I’ve done lots of interesting stuff with my life (uh, funeral director anyone?), I’ve done stuff that some people only dream of doing. I think I’m pretty funny. I have decent tastes in music, movies, and comedy.

People like me for ME. ME! Who I am, not what I look like. Yes, of course there are people who like how I look as well, for a variety of reason.  One person told me I exuded sexuality, and he thought that was cool.  Other people like me BECAUSE of how I look. I’m sure there are people who will be very sad if my ass goes away! Some people dig me because I’m fat. Some dig me because I’m cool. Whatever. There are a hundred thousand little things about a person that make up why you like them.

In fact, the BDSM/Sexpos scenes are one of the few places that I’ve come across where I’ve found that who I am is more important that what I look like. It doesn’t matter if I’m not the larger society’s physical ideal.  I’ve found that in kink, its about who you are. Are you nice? Respectful? Knowledgeable? Interested in learning? Are you a good person? These things are more important than my waist measurement.

Hell, my size has come in handy! When raffle tickets can be bought by the circumference, like at Leather Pride Night, I win shit!

I was really upset when the doctor implied that I might want this surgery to fit into some ideal because of kink. It was as if he was saying ‘Of course you want it to look better. Of course you want it to improve your kinky lifestyle. Why would anyone like you the way you are now? You are fat and gross and have no merit aside from your looks, you silly female.’

Granted, that might not be what he was thinking or implying, but that’s sure what it felt like. He also kept going on about changing my ‘lifestyle’ as if all I do is drink, smoke, smoke up and have kinky sex.

I drink, at best, what, 2 drinks at Pleasure Salon? All month. Sometimes, I’ll have a drink with friends. So… four drinks a month, and the rare half glass of wine at home with dinner? I smoke pot *maybe* once a month, and that is being generous. More likely, every two or three months. Yes, I smoke tobacco more than I should and it is a post surgical risk. I’m working on quitting before hand. Really. Finished my last pack a week ago. I’ve been bumming maybe two a day, but I’m trying to cut down on that. Kink shouldn’t even be an issue. I just wanted to know about the port which will be left to adjust the band - will fire be out? A flogging? Should I not wrestle? Or learn a martial art? Other than that, I ought not have to explain my self to a doctor. My GP might think I’m a slutty weirdo, but at least she keeps it to herself and doesn’t bat an eye when I ask her something offbeat.

If he weren’t a)One of the best goddamn laproscopic bariatric surgeons in the country in one of the best programs in the country, b)local and c)part of my insurance program I’d totally have found someone else. But he’s too good. I’m not going to take my health out of the hands of the best because of an implied slight.

I think that might be why I’ve been feeling so off the past couple days. I think it made me feel icky, and that’s why my libido went bye-bye when I was at Nathan’s. I had been so excited to see him, hang out, and play, I saw the doctor the day before, and then boom, no more libido. A general feeling of ickiness in my own body.

So let me clear the record. I’m NOT doing this because I want to fit in better. I’m not doing it so I can look like a fetish model, or anyone else.

I’m doing this because I’m very unhealthy, and nothing I’ve done has worked. Because I want to stop falling and hurting my ankles. To make it up a flight of stairs with out being out of breath.  To not have random chest pains, and so my knees won’t hurt.  So I don’t get Type 2 Diabetes. So I can do all sorts of stuff.

And this isn’t to say everyone should lose weight. I’m all about fat pride! I know tons of fat, sexy, women who are full of awesome and you know what? Fucking power to them. I am one! Yeah, we all have our weird body issues, fat and skinny alike. We all do. But size doesn’t preclude you to being teh sexy. If someone is happy with themselves, no matter who they are, I think that is the most amazing thing in the world.

But really, it comes down to health. I’m fat, sexy and awesome, but I’m not healthy, not at all.  If I were, I wouldn’t even be considering this. My health comes first, before anything. It has too, or I have nothing. I don’t want to get sick, or die earlier than I should. I need to fix this now, while I can, while it isn’t quite as bad, so I can keep on keepin’ on.

And lets throw some super honesty in. I’m excited about being able to wear high heels again. (I haven’t been able to wear them for the past 60lbs or so. I’m too off balance with weak ankles. They don’t hold me up.) It will be nice to be able to borrow clothes from my mother again. It’ll be great that my boobs might go down a bit (I know they’re only large B’s, but I liked them when they were A’s!). I’d really like to not knock stuff over with my butt. I think these are fair and valid feelings. But they still don’t take away from the fact that I am unhealthy and need help.

So there, doctor Jerk face!

I understand the needs of marketers. The fact is, if you want to sell a website to horny voyeurs and fans of exhibitionism, the name “Public Disgrace” is a lot better than “Practical Rope.”

But when I go to the site and see pictures like the above one, I want to cheer. Princess Donna is the rigger for the site (as well as the devious mind that comes up with the public acts of disgrace the women go through) and she is providing a great service to the rope community.

See, many of  questions I get from everyday ropesluts (and yes, I mean tops and bottoms) are how to integrate the rope techniques into everyday stuff. Not everyone has a bondage frame in their bedroom, or a cross, or even a spanking bench. But other items of furniture - like the one above, a pool table - can be integrated with simple rope techniques. What, a few one-column ties and a two column tie put her in the position above? Easy stuff from any rope 101 class or book.

Practical rope. How to tie someone so that they can be gang-banged on a sawhorse, for example. OK, maybe that’s not exactly your kink that you had in mind, and maybe your elbows can’t touch in back the way that Lorelei Lee can. For that matter, not everyone has the fantasy of drowning in cocks that she seems to be fulfilling…though come to think of it, I know quite a few women who do.

I’m not saying that the site is going to be any kind of rope instruction - it’s not. It’s about sex, and exhibitionism, and public humiliation taken to the extreme (and I’ll have a lot to say about that later, since Sascha and I did some of it ourselves. That word on her chest? It means “cunt” in Russian, and it’s only one of many that were written on her body).

But Princess Donna is someone I would love to have a beer with and just talk about ways to take the classic rope skills and adapt them to everyday environments - or unusual ones, like this one with Sabrina Fox (yes, this site is Wired Pussy, which she also rigs for. She’s also a model. The woman must never sleep). That kind of inventiveness and adaptability is what I really think goes into a great rope top.

It’s a practical skill. I love the new sites that are coming up, everything from expanded shoots from the Twisted Factory to Boss Bondage to the Sergeant Major, but when do we kinksters get our own HGTV site? “This Old Dungeon,” “Trading Masters,” “Project Spankway,” or just a daily talk show with several submissive women talking about recent intense scenes they’ve been in or heard of called “The Whew.”

Or just “Practical Rope with Princess Donna.” I’m tellin’ ya, if this smut thing doesn’t work out, they’ve got a winner there…

Catalina’s Favorite Sex Blog Posts Of The Week!

CatalinaLoves.com:

Catalina hates Myspace.com
Catalina loves 10 Sexy Things About Men

CatalinaSays.com:

The Good Things List Lives On
Amazing Friends

BestSexBloggers.com:

Sunday Evening Fuck
Crawling In The Dark

MarkyDSade.com:

Princess Donna and Kink.com Launch New Bondage and Public Sex Site: Public Disgrace
Madison Young Gets Tied Up, Caned, and Forced to Cum on Hogtied.com

Backdoor Bondage Blog:

Sgt. Major Puts Fetish Model Charlotte Brooke Through Outdoor Bondage on Sarge’s BDSM Clip Store
Reflections on The Bondage Past - Jade Marxxx and John Blakemore (H.O.M.)

Nawalochai.com:

Shots from Folsom
Folsom Coverage on BehindKink.com

Into The Attic Blog:

Elizabeth
The Zayda J. Hubbub

Thursday’s Child:

Knee Sock Fetish HNT

Over The Top Kinky:

Romanian Hottie Lea Lexis Gets Fucked In The Ass In Public

Bad Bad Girl:

Like Lovers Do

Confessions From My Open Marriage:

There’s a First Time For Everything (Confession #146)

Mz Berlin’s Blog:

Mz Berlin Does Lesbian Love Right in Friends and Lovers with Madison Young

Satine Phoenix’s Blog:

Satine Phoenix is Good Enough To Eat In This Cannibal Fetish Scene from Muki’s Kitchen

Ms. Nikki Nefarious:

Like My Ropes? Buy Them!

TruFetish.com:

Mark Me Yours…

Ellie Lumpesse: Pretentious Pervert:

What’s Wrong With Sex Work?

The Urban Gypsy:

Cleavage of the Day Updated for HNT

Sweltering Celt:

HNT - Getting A Little Leggy

Debauched Domestic Diva:

HNT: aka Cleavage of the Week

Happiness is a Dominant Woman:

Thoughts of Dominant Wives and Submissive Husbands

::psst… for more hot sex blog links go to Sugasm.com::

Tags: 10 sexy things about men, Backdoor bondage, Bad Bad Girl, BDSM, BehindKink, Best Sex Bloggers, Bondage, bondage clips, Bondage Rope, caning, Cannibal Fetish, Catalina hates Myspace, Catalina Loves, Catalina Says, charlotte brooke, cleavage, Clips4sale, Confession, Confessions From My Open Marriage, D/s, debauched domestic diva, Dominant Wives, Ellie Lumpesse, Fetish, fetish model, folsom street fair, forced orgasm, friends, Happiness Is A Dominant Woman, HNT, HNT Cleavage, HNT Legs, HNT Nude, HOM, Images from Folsom, Into the Attic, jade marxxx, john blakemore, kink dot com, Kink Review Blog, Kinkiest posts, kinky, Kinky Posts of the Week, Knee Sock Fetish, Lea Lexis, Lesbian, Link Roundup, madison young, Marky D. Sade, Ms. Nikki Nefarious, Mz Berlin, Mz. Berlin’s Blog, Nawalochai, Open Marriage, outdoor bondage, Over The Top Kinky, pretentious pervert, princess donna, public disgrace, Public Sex, Satine Phoenix, satine phoenix blog, Sex, Sex Blog, sex work, Sgt. Major, Submissive Husbands, Sweltering Celt, The Good Things List, the history of bondage, thursday’s child, Top Sex Blogs, Trufetish, Urban Gypsy, weeks best, Zayda J. Hubbub

(GRUE, for those who are new to the idea, is an event I created called “Graydancer’s Ropetastic Unconference Extravaganza,” and it is modeled after the Open Spaces & Unconference models of self-organizing events. So far there have been five GRUEs, in Madison (WI), Western Michigan, St. Louis, Minneapolis, and the most recent, in Toronto.)

One of the difficulties of setting up a GRUE - really, the only one - is trying to describe to people exactly what it is. Hell, I’ve had very close friends in the rope community say to me “Oh, we don’t need a GRUE here in [insert well-known rope community], we’ve got so many rope events as it is…I don’t think people want another one.”

And therein lies the problem, because it’s exactly that kind of situation that the GRUE is designed to combat. When we’ve reached a point where it’s “…just another rope event…” where we know we’ll see the same classes and the same faces talking about (for the most part) the same things, that’s when it is necessary to step out of the pattern, to have an event where the participants are also the instructors, where we’re all “ho’s, pro’s, & schmoe’s” to paraphrase Laura Antoniou. To have an event where the classes aren’t the same things we’ve talked about before - they’re the things we’re passionate about right now. Every single GRUE - every single one - has had some veteran, jaded rope top or bottom that comes out of it renewed, inspired, invigorated.

I’ve been struggling with finding ways to tell people about this - not because I want there to be more GRUEs, exactly, but just because I think we’re in a danger of too many events that are too similar, and that leads to either apathy or burnout or both. One of the GRUE participants, however, said it incredibly well, and I’m going to quote him here from the GRUEp in Fetlife:

“I actually logged on to this site [Fetlife], which I knew nothing about, after the Toronto GRUE. What I thought I had been invited to by a beloved friend; in order to expand both of our technical interests, turned into so much more. GRUE is not a how to class. The Participant driven format presented me w/ choices I made away from the practical presentations. Instead I found myself in intimate, experienced (both new and wise), visceral discussions about gender identity, jargon limitations, dialogues on submissive mindsets, and a rather intense exploration of cultural, racial, and tabooist prejudices (in and out of the scene) and the ethos surrounding exploring those fantasizes. (pardon my German guilt, I’ll never be your storm trooper)

At the party, later that evening, I had the opportunity to reacquaint w/ participants on a more social level, and fuck- they were fun. One of my most memorable emotives was saying good night to a member that I hadn’t said a word to throughout the unconference, but had shared some time w/ my friend. Through casual observation and the searing light of her enthusiasm over the Saturday, I left the party only being able to thank her for what little I had enjoyed of her, not meeting her.

GRUE seemed to have that kind of “in way deeper than I signed up for” coupled w/ I wish everything was this rewarding sort of experience. I will attend any others in my area.

Sasha, we all admire you. Good fortune. Gray- I’m enjoying the book and thank you JP-great event, intense times, be well everyone- thank you for participating in my life. I am better for you.”

You can see some images of Sascha & I, both at the GRUE and at Toronto’s Nuit Blanche event with Lord Morpheous and others, at the gallery linked to the image above. Questions about the GRUE? Email Graydancer, or listen to the Ropecast - we took one of the sessions, Graydancer’s Fishbowl, and recorded it, and it will be up in its unedited glory soon.

Remember, when it gets very dark…you are likely to be eaten by a GRUE. So next time, bring rope.

There are so many good shots from this gallery from Her First Punishment that I couldn’t choose just one or two!

The combination of corporal punishment and exercise is so terrible and humiliating … that it makes for supremely hot fantasies! I mean, when you are running around or doing push-ups, you are vulnerable (esp. because the coach is somehow never out of breath, and you always are!) — and then you add to that the wearing of some humiliating pys ed outfit — or worse, you are stuck running around naked! It doesn’t get much more vulnerable and humiliating than that! And then to add to it the application of the tawse (see below) or the